Sunday, September 13, 2009
The Minutes before Dawn
I often wonder when it was that I finally became comfortable in my own skin.It was a huge step for me.I was born with a paralyzed right eye.It is always mistaken for a lazy eye.But,that is not what is wrong with my eye.I have no control over how or where it moves,so you may think I am looking at you,when I am not.I can only imagine what it looks like to others.I know what I've been called because of it,"one eyed,popeye,cyclops",now that was a devestating one.I was called names and treated like an alien in jr. high and high school.I often wonder if my mother knew or even cared about the kids calling me names,making me feel like I did not matter.She had to of known,but she did nothing.She never said,hey,it's okay.Your eye does'nt matter.You matter.I never got those words of encouragment,words I so badly needed.As crazy as it sounds I think she was embarrassed of me.When I had'nt seen her in almost 20 years,I went to Texas to see her,after 3 days on the train,I arrived.There were no hugs,no murmured words of caring or of missing me,no.The first thing she said was,"your eye has gotten worse"then she turned her back and walked off.I should have stayed on the train.I stayed for 2 weeks,she did not take me anywhere.Not out to dinner,not sightseeing...nothing.What do you do when your own mother refuses to love you or accept you?You go on.It took years to obtain my self esteem,to be able to look in the mirror and say,"Iam beautiful",smart,funny,and worth living.I became strong,independent,sure of myself.I refused to let people hurt me,or bring me down.I forgave my mother.She should be pitied,not hated.She does not matter in my life.Once I forgave her,a huge weight lifted off of me.I was free,no longer a prisoner to the pain,neglect and abuse she once controlled me with.I see her for who she really is,and I think that scares her.I'm almost 50 now.And I have learned to have compassion,respect,and forgiveness.I keep my mindfree ofhatred,anger and negativity.I am happy with my life,I am still growing,and that is joy in itself.I have Gracie,my dog,a roof over my head,food,water,what else do I need?Most important of all I have my faith and the sense that I'm doing the right thing today.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Walks with Gracie
One of the best parts of my day is at 5am when I take Gracie out for her morning walk.I love the darkness just before the sun comes up,it's quiet,so peaceful.It's almost as if you are the only one on earth,just for that 45 minutes.I was never a morning person,but as I've gotten older,mornings have become more attractive to me.I guess because it's the only time of day that it is really quiet and still.I can think,plan my day,wake up slowly unrushed.I do not like being rushed.I enjoy the time spent just walking in the cool dawn air with my girl Gracie.
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Walks with Gracie
One of the best parts of my day is at 5am when I take Gracie out for her morning walk.I love the darkness just before the sun comes up,it's quiet,so peaceful.It's almost as if you are the only one on earth,just for that 45 minutes.I was never a morning person,but as I've gotten older,mornings have become more attractive to me.I guess because it's the only time of day that it is really quiet and still.I can think,plan my day,wake up slowly unrushed.I do not like being rushed.I enjoy the time spent just walking in the cool dawn air with my girl Gracie.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
PetStreet - Latest pet and animal news - 10 commandments for pet owners.
These are the 10 commandments for true pet lovers.They are’nt hard to keep or difficult to understand.They are actually pretty simple.I love my Gracie more than is probably normal,but,she has given me way more than I could ever give her.She keeps me sane,makes me laugh and she is always there for me.And all she asks for is to be fed,and loved.What is so hard about doing that?
PetStreet - Latest pet and animal news - 10 commandments for pet owners.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Time for Gracie
I'm feeling better,still tired but at least the swelling has gone down.Now it's time to concentrate on racie.She has been such a good girl.Guarding me,hovering over me,and just staying close.I have started her walks again.We go twice a day.About 6 am and 8 pm.I've started off just walking aroundthe neighboorhood.It's about 20 to 25 minutes.So,she does her number,and gets to sniff all along the way.She deserves some time just for her.I'm hoping I'll be able to get to the dog park on Saturday.She needs to play with some dogs and be able to run.
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Time for Gracie
I'm feeling better,still tired but at least the swelling has gone down.Now it's time to concentrate on racie.She has been such a good girl.Guarding me,hovering over me,and just staying close.I have started her walks again.We go twice a day.About 6 am and 8 pm.I've started off just walking aroundthe neighboorhood.It's about 20 to 25 minutes.So,she does her number,and gets to sniff all along the way.She deserves some time just for her.I'm hoping I'll be able to get to the dog park on Saturday.She needs to play with some dogs and be able to run.
Untitled
I'm better today.Watching SUPERNATURAL on DVR.I record 4 to 6 episodes then make a night of it with favorite programs.I'm able to catch up and not worry if I'm not home to catch the show when it airs.I'm slowly getting back to walking Gracie every morning and night.I feel so bad,jus because I'm sick does'nt mean she should suffer.She has been so good during this time.I'm going to try and get to the dog park on Saturday.She has so much fun when we go.It makes me feel good to watch her with the other dogs.
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Sleep
I'm better today.But still plan on sleeping most of the day and night.I just cannot seem to get my energy back.And if I don't get off my butt,I won't have the money to pay some of my bills.I have the money,I just want to keep that money in my savings.That what savings are for,to save.Gracie has a vet appointment on the 14th.She really needs a complete work up before winter sets in.I bought her a huge tug and pull toy,she loves it.She does'nt really play with too many toys,s for her to play with this one,it is fantastic.Especially since we can play with it together.She actually carries it around the house with her,now thats remarkable in itself.
Losing
Feeling better,still tired but better.I have to go back to work next week.I've lost 2 much money sleeping.I just hate being around my roommate,he is such a bully.No one ever does anything right,he is the one who is always right.I just get tired of him threatening people,behind their backs of course.He's one of those people who like to talk big,but in the end all they are is a coward.He likes to bully those people who cannot fight back.He never picks on anyone who can really hurt him,he kisses thier butt!It's soo hilarious!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Good things for Good People
Gracie has been hovering over me for the last week.She knows that I've been sick.My doctor has ordered me on bedrest for the rest of the week.Or at least until my blood work comes back.Creator has been taking care of me thru all this.I've gotten close to 200.00 in cks from the surveys I do on the internet.So,even though I'm not able to go out and work like I usually do,Creator has made sure I have the money to pay my bills and get Gracie to her Vet appointment the 14th.I believe that if you put out positive energy,your going to get positive energy back.And I have never been wrong.I do not worry about how I'm going to pay this or that,because Creator has always provided for me.And this week has been another blessing
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Good things for Good People
Gracie has been hovering over me for the last week.She knows that I've been sick.My doctor has ordered me on bedrest for the rest of the week.Or at least until my blood work comes back.Creator has been taking care of me thru all this.I've gotten close to 200.00 in cks from the surveys I do on the internet.So,even though I'm not able to go out and work like I usually do,Creator has made sure I have the money to pay my bills and get Gracie to her Vet appointment the 14th.I believe that if you put out positive energy,your going to get positive energy back.And I have never been wrong.I do not worry about how I'm going to pay this or that,because Creator has always provided for me.And this week has been another blessing
Untitled
It's been a good week.Even though I have been ordered to stay in bed,I have gotten close to 200.00 in cks thru my survey work.It's nice to have money and not feel the need to go spend it.Gracie is getting her Vet visit this month.I take her every year for a complete work up.That is one of the things that I must do.If you have a pet you need to not only feed and water the pet,you need to ensure that the pet stays healthy.
via Ping.fm
It's been a good week.Even though I have been ordered to stay in bed,I have gotten close to 200.00 in cks thru my survey work.It's nice to have money and not feel the need to go spend it.Gracie is getting her Vet visit this month.I take her every year for a complete work up.That is one of the things that I must do.If you have a pet you need to not only feed and water the pet,you need to ensure that the pet stays healthy.
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