Starting the New Year NEW

I have been living with family/friends for about the last 2 years.It is never easy living with other people.I have no problem with house rules,but you don't have any choice about who you live with.I have had to put up with being calleda thief,liar,and most of all treated with disrespect by my own daughter and her boyfriend.I have had my things stolen,gone thru and just out right taken.I have been used to clean up not only after myself,which is what your suppose to do,but by 2 grown adults.One who is a certified slob,and the other who is too good to do chores around the house.Niether one of these two work or go to school.They lay around the house all day and smoke weed and eat,that is it.My own daughter rips me off left and right.And if I do'nt give hr what he wants,which I don't anymore,she callsme all kinds ofevil names.I have reached the end of my rope,I'm out of here tomorrow.And going with me is my double bed,which my daughter is sleeping on with her disrespectful boyfriend.They haveno idea what is going to happen tomorrow!!!!I have been taking care of not only my dog,but 2 other dogs,and then I'm accused of stealing dog food?I don't need them or the dog food,I cook my dogs food.I am the only one who cleans up thishouse,as of now,I'm thru!!!!!!And you know what?I wil not have satellite T.V. or a computer where I am going and IDO NOT CARE!!!!! I am just soooo happy to get out of this back-stabbing cess pool that I am excited!!!2009 is going to start off GREAT!!!!!!!!!I am taking every thing that I own,I am never coming back,and I hope and pray that I nevr,ever see ANY of these people again.

Ghost Hunters

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2008

This year started off bad.My favorite uncle died.That should have given me a clue as to how this year was going to go.It seems like every three months someone died.The last death was my best friend.I had spent the weekend with her,and although she was not in the greatest health,she was no where near close to dying,or so I thought.The coroner still can't tell us what happened or if they do know they are not telling us until they are sure of what killed her.I still see her laying there,I knew she was'nt asleep,and then when I touched her I knew.I thought I was going to have a panic attack or a heart attack it was and still is devestating.We had talked about dying but it was my death we talked about,not hers,even though she was older than me by 11 years.I still find myself waiting for her to call me.I talked to her everyday and saw her at least 3 times a week sometimes spending a few days at her house just to have a change of pace.I'd bring my dog over to play with her dogs and we would talk or run errands.I just always expected her to be here.And now that she's not,I miss her so badly that I don't think the missing of her will ever go away.

WHAT IS GOTH ANYWAY?

i GUESS PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT IF YOU DRESS IN DARK COLORS AND WEAR DIFFERENT MAKEUP,YOU MIGHT BE "GOTH".Why do we always have to label people?I hung out with kids from my nieghborhood when I went to JR high and high school,I felt comfortable around them,we all dressed in big bell levis with t shirt or a blouse,and they called us stoners because of the way we dressed.I did'nt get high,weed did nothing for me,I did smoke cigerettes,but all my friends did.So,because I wore a certian style of dress,I was labeled.

My Girls

My girls are Gracie and Sonic.Of course they are dogs,literally.I'm not calling them that because of any imperfection they might have.I feel so wanted and happy when I come home from being somewhere and these two meet me at the door.Tails wagging,jumping up to get to me.Gracie like to jump up and smell/kiss my lips,Sonic likes me to rub behind her ears.I feel so lucky to have someone who loves me and needs me.I love my girls and because of that I have made sure that they are fed healthy,sometimes I will cook their food,after that mess with the canned food from China,I am very careful to watch what my girls eat and from where.I know my girls get the best,they are healthy,you can see it in their coat and eyes.Gracie is a German Short-Hair Pointer and she is so soft,her fur is soft and think,she hardly sheds anymore.And she is lean and well muscled,she can jump straight up at least 5 ft.And she loves to do that.Sonic is a mini-mixed dog,she has got a slight temper,but she too is soft and her fur thick.I have a website that is for mixed breed dogs,I have learned as much as I can in order to not only take care of my own dogs,but to give advice to others about their dogs.I just feel blessed to have Gracie and Sonic.

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Deal with it !

I've never been much of a whiner,what would be the point?It's not like anyone would help me or even believe me.Afew years ago I was hit by a car while walking in the crosswalk with the white walking signal blazing.The persons who hit me were two teen boys who were more interested in talking on the cell and showing off the speed of the car,lucky me!I was very blessed that the Creator gave me a good set of ears,because,if I had not heard him gun the engine as he turned the corner,I would surly have been broadsided and dead.Instead,I ended up on the hood of the car,and the after a flight of about 40ft,landing on my right hip in the middle of a busy street,I was so shocked that for a few minutes I could not move my body,luckily a few people had seen what happened and had come to my aid,getting me off and out of the street before another car decided to take a try.What I'm trying to get to,the point,is that at times the pain in my back and neck make it almost impossible to move and /or function.Which is today,it is hard for me to sit in front of the computer,typing without being in so much pain,that I eventually just give up and go to bed.And that is what I am going to do tonite,tomorrow is another day,and another chance to post!

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Busy,Busy,Busy

Last week was not one of my better weeks,had a major blackout,ended up at the doctor's getting a bloodtest,and getting yelled at by Mr.R,for his assumption that I had gone out and gotten "high".Which of course was not the case,I've been clean and sober for over 3yrs,soon to be 4yrs.The prognosis is a possible "mini" stroke.The blood test revealed that my cholesterol was off the charts,which really kind of blew me away,because I don't eat fast food,junk food or alot of red meat.I do however eat yogurt everyday,several times a day.I also found out that my liver is doing fine,panel came back ok and the enzymes are ok too.That does not answer the question of why I've gained so much weight,and why my cholesterol level is off the charts.I don't do salt,and I regularly check the labels on all the food I buy to make sure that I know what I'm eating.Because of last week,I had to make some major changes in my life,I need to get out of this house and on my own again.So,I'm going back to college,I've applied and also applied for the grants I'm going to need while I do go to school.I plan on taking the Vet Tech Asistant  classes,so that is what I will major in.It will pay good,and I know an awful lot about animals,and I want to know more.The grants will also give me the money I need to buy an mini-van to move out of here.I figure that since it's just me and Gracie,maybe but more than probably Sonic too,I can just live in the mini van while I'm going to school.It will be easy to get around and with two dogs that bark like they are going to rip your head off,and who knows?They just might do that if anyone tries to mess with me.I've lived on the streets most of my life,so I know the dangers,but I also know what I have to do to stay alive.I just really want out of this house,I'm so tired of being here,and it's my own fault,it's time to move on.I've always had to do things on my own,and it's no different now,I just need to get it started so I can get myself and my dogs out of here.My liver is kind of hurting right now,so I'm going to go lay down in order to change my position.

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I thought Hep C would kill me,where I'm living is going to kill me first

This blog is all about the life of a recovering dope fiend with HEP C.I was first diagnosed in 1999,and went into a deep dark depression.I had been told that day that my life was OVER.How does someone deal with that?Accidents kill you , murder takes your life,although in this case murder is basically what I'm feeling like.You know it's coming,but you try to make it come in slo-mo.Since my liver does'nt filter like it should,I tend to get confused and also hallucinta,like it's the thing to do.I know not everyone has a conversation going on with themselve and whoever else happens to be walking around your brain.Everyone things I'm on drugs,if only.That could explain it all,the talking non-sensically,falling out at the computer,head tilted-back mouth wide open,and the guy who owns the house wakes me up screaming"I'm not taking this shit,you are not going to do drugs in my house"mind you I am in a state of "what the hell"?I told him I had'nt taken any drugs,and that my doctor could verify it.To which he replied,"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! Eveyone should be as lucky as I ,to have such a spineless,weed smoking ameoba in thier life.I sure feel lucky.NOT.i ASK NOTHING FROM THIS "MAN",I support myself thru survrys on the internet,and claening a friends house,which to be quite honest,we talk more than I clean.I also pay my own clinic bill (200.00) a month.I know that God is testing me.Last month,my former friend ans his former girlfriend came over here bullied her way in,headed straight for my daughters room,the spineless one,had to pull the lunatic off my daughter,all the while looney-tooneys is punching him in the face,as he is finally getting the fat bitch down the hall to the front door,she grabs my lock-box and my wallet,the box I got back,the wallet,the bitch actually claims she did'nt take it!The spineless wanna be "man" would NOT let me call the cops,or CPS.And now ,I am the bad guy.He told me he would replace all that she took from me,B.S,B.S. AND MORE BULLS---.I have got to get out of here,these people are too sick to even acknowledge they are sick.She's a doctor-shopping pill head and the spaz is just that a spineless spaz.

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Saturday

I was hoping that the tiredness that had come on yesterday,was just a fluk,that maybe I was tired from not sleeping well the nite before.But,that does'nt seem to be the case.Today,walking any distance is a strain on my legs and feet,my legs ache as though I have over extended myself.And,that is far from the case.I tis as though in my sleep I did some type of battle,every bone and muscle is strained,and it is again a battle to keep myself focused.I usually take Gracie for a walk in the afternoon,we both look forward to it,especially Gracie,but then she is a dog and relys on me to take her out for her walks.Today I just don't have the energy.And that really upsets me.I have started to really look forward to those walks around the sub-division.I put my walkman w/ phone on and off we go,around the block in the division and then out on the outskirts next to the main road.Gracie nevers pays much attention to me,she is always too intent on her walk and smelling all the plants and grass.And of course she wants to be let loose to run,but that is one thing that I am uncomfortable with.I know that Gracie will not take off,this is the only homeo bed and hope she has ever know ,and she is treated like the Pricess she is.There is NOTHING that Gracie is denied.I have to keep myself going,not just for her,but for me too.I have cut out ALL drinking,running around,and late hours.And I can slowly feel my body comeing back to a more managable rtythm,.I just took some medication  to mellow out so that I  can get a good night sleep.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

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Website Problems

summerbuddy posted a photo

I finally got up the nerve to start my own website a few months ago.Being the novice that I am,it took a few tries to finally find a place where I could get help building my site,as well as good exposure.It took me a few weeks to get everything on the site,ads,photo's,articles ect.It is still kind of rough,but it is starting to look better,I work on it a few times a week,putting new content on,changing the ads around,the photo's ect.I did go to all the search engines and sign my page up,I need traffic to make money.I'm not delusional,I know it might take months to start getting any traffic on my site.I'm just going to keep trying to make it better as I go along.This week I put recipes for homemade dog food on my site.I plan to do that every week,2-3 new recipes each week,plus tips on how to feed your dog a well-balance diet.I put a donation button from pay-pal on my site,who knows,someone might want to donate to the site and all the work that goes into it.I am just going to keep praying and leaving it in the Creators hands.Creator always answers my prayers,I just don't disrespect him by not having 100% faith in him.Things will work out for me and my website.

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Rain

There is;nt much going on ,at least not at the moment.I'm tired,it's been a long day,and I have'nt slept very well the past week or so.It's one of those weird stages you go thru as you get older.I din't feel 45,soon to be 46,but,then I've never been this age before so I have nothing to compare it to.It's been really windy the last two days,and the wind cuts right thru you.I would much rather have rain,that I can deal with.My dogs get a little bummed,because they can't/won't go out in the rain.I can't fault them for that,I don't like to be out in the rain either.I love the rain,it cleans the air,aliitl,and it smells so fresh and clean afterwards.

The Days Are gettin Better

My mail has finally straighten out.I am starting to get things,the mail is just very slow.And the Postal Service wonders why more people are emailing nowdays.DUH!Went over to a friends house to pick up some money that was owed to me,so at least my account has something in it.I kind of obsess on it,worry when I don't have at least 40.00 in it at all times.You never know when there might be an emergency.I also went to Pet Smart and picked up a big bag of dog food.I was almost out,I never let Gracie's food get low enough that she only has a day or two left.That's just cutting it too close.God-forbid that something happens and I can't get to the store before her food container is empty.I also recieved a book with home-made dog-food recipes in it.I wanted to have something as a back-up in case the dog food gets bad again,like it did last year.I looked thru the book quickly and saw quite a few really easy recipes that I can do.Doggie cookies and meatloaf for dogs.I just want to be able to give my girls the best.In everything.

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My Girls Are Important

I have been really lagging in my posts.But,I'm back.For how long I'm not sure.Oh,the picture is of my 2 girl's,Gracie is the black and white german short-hair pointer and the black one is Sonic,she's a mini pincher/chiuahua.I would not be able to get thru the day without my girl's.Things have been really screwy the last 10 days.My wallet was stolen by this pyscho,who I thought was my friend.I found out too late that she has gone over the edge mentally.I know she stole it because she was grabbing other stuff of mine as someone was showing her the door out of the house.She claims that my wallet was stolen by my daughter,except my daughter was'nt in the room when it came up missing,I looked every where for it,before my daughter even came out of the room.She is so out of it,that she does'nt even remember taking it.She won't let my son visit with me unless I stop calling her a theif and talk to her so she can apologize,like that's ever going to happen.I just want her to stay out of my life,friends don't steal,lie or attack friends and she has done all and more to me,I just cut my losses.She can't stand the fact that my son and I get along really well.I gave her guardianship of my son when he was born because I was in some legal trouble,if I had only known that she would lose her mind,I would have sent him somewhere else.My mail got screwed up last week and I can't prove it,but I would'nt put it past her to do something crazy.Nothing she does surprizes me anymore.From phone calls at 4am to ranting about not buying the right socks.She does all this to R,her ex,who is also my son's foster father,the only father he has ever known.I stay at R's house,until I get on my feet,which will be soon!I guess things were going just a little too smoothly for me these last few months,Creator thought I needed a shake-up.Boy did I get one!Like I said at the beginning of this post,if it were'nt for my 2 girls,I would be a mess all the time,with my girls I can deal with anything.