GETTING HIGH IS KNOCKING AT MY DOOR

To say the last few days have been hectic would be a major understatement.Yesterday I turned 45,and at this point in time I feel every year of the 45 years.I went on a xanax binge last week,it's been over 3 years since I got loaded and with all the crap going on right now,I felt I needed a break.I'm a guest at my daughters house and the leaese just ran out ,so it's time to move.And it will be this weekend.I've already been given the "find my own place"lecture.And believe me,I wish I did I have my own place.I've NEVER,EVER had to stay at anyone else's house,and I'm so depressesd about the whole situation that I'm in that wanting to go and get high is really tapping me on the back.I've got the money,but I've also got a responsonsibility to my baby Gracie.She's my world,and I'm not going to let a couple of hours of getting hihg,let me lose this dog.Gracie has literally saved my life the last few years,and I owe her alot more than she owes me.Waking-up in the morning with her lay at the end of the bed is the best feeling in the world,NO MAN,CAN EVER,take her place.

MOVING

IT HAS ONLY BEEN HALF A DAY,AND THUINGS ARE NIT WORKING OUT TO MY ADVANTAGE.LIKE,WHERE ARE gRACIE ANE i GOING TO LIVE FIR THE SUMMER?UNDER A TREE I'M ASSUMING,WHICH IS NOT GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR ME,BUT GRACIE HAS NEVER LIVED OUT IN THE ELEMEMNTS,AT ALL.I'M SO AFRAID FOR HER THAT MY OWN SURVIVIAL IS TOTALLY MENACEING.I love this dog more then life itself and to make her happy and feel secure,I'm just about willing to kill myself just to make sure she is ok.NEVER,EVER,IN THIS LIFE TIME WOULD WANT FOR anything.IF IT;S TO THE TREES WE GO THEN SO BE IT.AS LONG AS WE ARE TOGETHER.

ever so slowly I'M making progreaa!!!!!!woooooo!!hooo!!

I am an OLD SOUL,and because of that I have a tendency to see and hear things that other people don't.Right now there is an entity that likes to show themselve at the most inoppritune times.I've gotten use to sleeping with the T.V. on.I'm so tired that I'm falling asleep while I write this,so GOODNITE ALL...........................

TILL THE LONLINESS IS ALL YOU KNOW,OR WANT

I have battled with depression most of my life,and at one point,it became my one and only friend.It's easy for people to say "it's all in your head"or ,this one is great,"all you need are a few friends".YOU BECOME "TRAPPED"in this "bubble".And you can't fight or cut or tear through yhis bubble.And the worst part is ,after a while,you don't want to get out.You just want to be alone,to revel in all the feelings of lack of self-worth,the feelings of total failure,at YOUR OWN hands.living does'nt seem to be an option for me anymore.For the last month or so,people have been following me,one woman has a child,and they are dressed in 1880's style,then thre is a guy dressed like the 80's skateboarders,there are quite a few that I've seen lately.And the major thought that comes to my mind is,that they are here to take me "home".It scares me,but it also excites me.I want to go on thi journey,I'm so very ready.But,what happens to GRACIE?

IS DEATH WAIYING ARONUND THE BEND?

THIS WHOLE WEEK HAS BEEN AN up and down.I'm finally getting into see the headdocter,and then SATURDAY i SEE THE internest.I'v started to see and hear people again.Most of them don't say anything,thye just watch and it's unnerverving.I've got to lay-down,I sleep-walk at