Pollution and the Sunset

The sky is'nt as clear as it was when I was a child,pollution has done a number on the view of the mountians.In winter you could see the snow on the sierras from my bedroom window.It looked so close,like I could walk to them from my house.It was alot farther than a 10yr. old could walk.But when you are a child everything and anything is possible.Now,the smog and dirt from the farms in the valley,have made the view yellow/brown.As I look at all the fantastic sunsets,I reliaze that the colors are so dazzling because of all the garbage in the air.So,it's not a natural beauty,instead it's based on fossil fuels and cow gasses that makes the sky so beautiful.That is so very sad.

ON THE STREETS

This is how my brain feels,crowded.By what?By all the things going on in my life right now,working on my SSI,finding money for the clinic every month,feeding myself and Gracie..... and on and on... Things could be alot worse,I could be where I was 3yrs. ago,strung out,depressed to the point of crying jags at inappropriate times,panic attacks so bad I refused to leave the house,and becoming homeless.Things sure were alot easier when I was younger.I lived on the streets for most of 10 years.I'd get a place to stay for a few days,every once in a while,nothing was ever permanant and at that time that was ok.I valued my freedom,being able to come and go as I pleased,doing whatever I wanted to do.No one,certianly no man,has ever been able to tell me what I could or could'nt do,I did what I wanted and if you did'nt like the arrangement,well, there's the door...Just the fact that I'm still alive when I got myself into situations of kidnap,torture,rape and beatings I'll never know.The numerous times I o.d'd,went to G-ward,jail then prison,all this before the age of 25.At 25 I'd lived 5 lifetimes.I'm not going to say I was lucky,because luck had nothing to do with it,Creator and my spirit guide were watching my back,and I kept them pretty busy.At 13 I was in China Town at 3am scoring dope,with 300$ I"d made at the labor camps.It never occured to me to be scared,I knew who to ask for help in finding the dope man,winos always knew where all the vice was and for 2 or 3 dollars they would take me to the best dope.I use to just walk the streets at night,too young to rent a motel room and refusing to trust anyone enough to ask for help in getting a place to sleep.I'd have to wait and hope that I'd get a john who would rent a room,then I would be able to get some sleep.It was alot easier in the late 70's.Now,I would never do half the things I did back then.To be continued.....

finding happiness again

You could have been a famous Artist


Who Were You in a Past Life?

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Was I so bad as a kid?

I've got 5 daughters and 2 son's.My son's have seemed to adjusted to adulthood quite easily.Well,as easily as can be expected for this day and age.But my girls,well that is a whole different story.For some reason everyone of my girls have gone through a period of total selfishness and acting like they are God's gift to the world.They could careless what anyone else is feeling,all that matters is what is happening in thier world.My oldest is 29 and she hates my guts,although she has never taken the time to really get to know me,or anyone else for that matter.My second child,also a girl,is probably the worst of the bunch,although my last daughter is running a close second.My 4 older girls were not raised with my youngest daughter,s I've got to assume that the rottenness they possess must be genetic.Where else could it have come from.?I had hoped that my youngest daughter was different.WRONG!!To have given life to such self-centered,selfish,egotistical human beings makes me feel like a total failure.I tried to teach my kids right from wrong,compassion and respect for others,those lessons seem to have totally back-fired on me.All my girls are exceptional good looking,on the outside,on the inside it is another story.They are habitual liars,manipulaters,selfish and unsympathtic to anyone ,except themselves.I do not like my daughters,and people may think that cold,but as human beings,my daughters have failed miserablely.I cannot stand to be around three of them,I'm hoping my third daughter does not become the rotten human being that her sisters have become.I just feel so very sad that I have faied as a parent.I can only look back at how I was as a kid,and assume that I was probably just as bad if not worse than they are.What else can I think?They got the rottenness from somewhere,and I'm sure they got more than 50% from my genes.It it a crime to not like your children?If it is than I am guilty.