ON THE STREETS

This is how my brain feels,crowded.By what?By all the things going on in my life right now,working on my SSI,finding money for the clinic every month,feeding myself and Gracie..... and on and on... Things could be alot worse,I could be where I was 3yrs. ago,strung out,depressed to the point of crying jags at inappropriate times,panic attacks so bad I refused to leave the house,and becoming homeless.Things sure were alot easier when I was younger.I lived on the streets for most of 10 years.I'd get a place to stay for a few days,every once in a while,nothing was ever permanant and at that time that was ok.I valued my freedom,being able to come and go as I pleased,doing whatever I wanted to do.No one,certianly no man,has ever been able to tell me what I could or could'nt do,I did what I wanted and if you did'nt like the arrangement,well, there's the door...Just the fact that I'm still alive when I got myself into situations of kidnap,torture,rape and beatings I'll never know.The numerous times I o.d'd,went to G-ward,jail then prison,all this before the age of 25.At 25 I'd lived 5 lifetimes.I'm not going to say I was lucky,because luck had nothing to do with it,Creator and my spirit guide were watching my back,and I kept them pretty busy.At 13 I was in China Town at 3am scoring dope,with 300$ I"d made at the labor camps.It never occured to me to be scared,I knew who to ask for help in finding the dope man,winos always knew where all the vice was and for 2 or 3 dollars they would take me to the best dope.I use to just walk the streets at night,too young to rent a motel room and refusing to trust anyone enough to ask for help in getting a place to sleep.I'd have to wait and hope that I'd get a john who would rent a room,then I would be able to get some sleep.It was alot easier in the late 70's.Now,I would never do half the things I did back then.To be continued.....